The Tragedy of Singleness
“One of the greatest advantages of singleness is the potential for greater focus on Christ and accomplishing work for Him.” -Elizabeth George
For my single sisters, right now you’re living in a time of life that is to be treasured, leveraged and appreciated, even though sometimes it may not seem like it. Singleness is not a state of limbo, nor is it a punishment of crimes gone past. It is a season of life that affords you endless possibilities to uniquely carry out the work God has purposed for you.
Many of you are embracing your singleness like the treasure and opportunity it is to flourish in a world hungry for your talents, wisdom, tenacity, vision and important work. Yes, the world awaits the benefits of your important work right now!
However, far too many more dynamically awesome women are loathing and enduring their singleness like a Shakespearian tragedy while they await the final act. Sometimes, the longing for a significant other can cause you to live in discontentment and want, diverting your focus from what can bring lasting significance to the life God has called you to live.
Longing and contentment are not mutually exclusive.
Waiting patiently for God to respond to your heart’s desire for marriage can coexist with living your single days full of contentment and purpose.
This is what is available to all my single sisters.
It would be a tragedy to believe your being alone equates to loneliness. Singleness provides the opportunity to create and nurture meaningful relationships with friends and family. In a marriage, the needs of your spouse are priority and with the addition of children, it can be hard to create and maintain those close relationships you had before marriage.
Embrace this time to intimately commune with God through as much uninterrupted study, prayer and devotion, as your life will allow. Talk to him, draw close to him, and relentlessly pursue him. Increased intimacy with God creates a barrier that random, counterfeit, life-draining relationships can’t penetrate. Contrary to the belief of the current culture, random dating for the sake of filing your time depletes you of what is necessary to prosper in the marriage God has designed for you. Increasing your intimacy with God will enhance the intimacy you’ll have with your spouse.
There is tragedy in not realizing you are already complete in Christ right there in the sometimes foggy midst of your singleness. Maybe there are some places in your heart God would like to heal or deposits he’d like to make in you before joining you to another human being to carry out a shared purpose? If you don’t allow God to make you whole before marriage, you risk the danger of needing your future spouse beyond what they can supply. Maximize your singleness by continually learning about who God called you to be, allowing Him to heal those broken places and sharpening the unique qualities and gifts, you could eventually contribute to a marriage. You may very well be waiting for a season that is being delayed because you’re not maximizing the season you’re in.
Realizing your already whole allows you to respond to this season with contentment—not thoughts of drudgery. Realizing God has purpose for the place you are in right now should quell any disappointments you may have about being single. 2 Peter 1:3 says God has already given us everything we need and we receive it by coming to him. You are already complete in Christ. Not understanding this while you’re single will create problems in a marriage.
While we shouldn’t equate marriage with bondage, we should realize singleness brings with it the opportunity to freely pursue unique opportunities without regard for how it will affect a spouse. Traveling the world, responding to the need of someone last minute or devoting financial resources to passions that have burned in your heart for years are decisions you’re able to make autonomously as a single. Rock your singleness by embracing the spontaneity and flexibility that comes with it.
Singleness allows you the freedom to love who God called you to be. One of the reasons jumping from relationship to relationship does you a disservice is because you don’t allow yourself time to fully appreciate and love you without someone else’s validation. Singleness allows you the freedom to know that you are enough! Without even realizing it, sometimes women turn into chameleons in an attempt to please the person they’re with. Only when the relationship is over do they feel free to be their authentic selves. This is because they don’t understand that a marriage will only magnify and expose the insecurities and questions they have about themselves while their single. Singleness allows you the freedom to find out who you really are and what you were called to do in Christ.
Marriage is beautiful however; it suffers when singleness is wasted. This time you have, as a single, is ripe with opportunities for intimacy with Christ, uninhibited freedom to serve others autonomously and chances to perfect what God has placed in you. Regardless of biological clocks, relationships around you or pressures from the world to hurry up and get somebody, God’s timing is perfect. His purpose for you spans far beyond marriage. Valuing your season of singleness is necessary to one day glorify God in a marriage. It’s a time for God to perfect in you what he desires out of you.
There is nothing tragic about your singleness except, to waste it.